Have you ever wondered what it would sound like if a bunch of drunken pirates hijacked a power metal ship, stocked it with rum, bananas, goblins, and massive boobs, and then sailed straight into a cosmic storm of absolute fun? Well Alestorm has your answer. The Thunderfist Chronicles is everything I hoped it would be and absolutely none of what I expected. And I mean that as a compliment.
This is Alestorm’s eighth studio album, and at this point, they know exactly what they’re doing, leaning into their signature combo of shanty-driven chaos, absurd lyrics, and infectious hooks that make you feel like you’ve downed a bottle of Captain Jacks rum. The band wastes no time on this record. Starting strong with “Hyperion Omniriff”, a furious opener that gallops forward with mega riffs, sea-worn bravado, and one of the most Alestorm-y lines ever: “Are you a c–t, or do you drink rum?” Subtle? Absolutely not. Effective? You bet it is.
“Killed to Death by Piracy” is a metal anthem that sounds like it was created during a bar brawl between Iron Maiden and a bunch of skeletons. The chorus is so catchy it could raise the dead. The whole lead up to “Your doom comes from the sea!” is probably going to be stuck in my head for weeks. This one is extremely fast paced and catchy.
Then we hit “Banana”, which is essentially Pirates of the Caribbean level production reimagined by guys who don’t have to answer to social norms, oh and they also have a synth. It’s so fun, so over-the-top, and so brilliant that I genuinely love it. This has a real theme song feel to it with also enough bodily fluid references to last you a lifetime. It’s a certified festival/summer banger.
Things take a slightly frostier turn with “Frozen Piss 2”. It’s got some of the most brutal riffs on the album. I don’t know what you’d really expect looking at the title but you’ll be left with no confusion as “frozen piss” is screamed out over the riffs, closely followed by “part two!”. I really can’t emphasize enough how good the guitar is on this track. There’s also a nice switch up of pace near the end with some beautiful vocals.
But Thunderfist Chronicles isn’t just chaos for chaos’s sake. There are moments of (sort of) seriousness. “The Storm” is legitimately atmospheric. It’s still Alestorm, of course, there’s plenty of shouting and sea references but there’s a nice shift with this one. Then comes “Mountains of the Deep”, a ballad to, and let’s not sugarcoat this, giant boobs. It’s so ludicrous and catchy, you can’t help but enjoy it and sing along.
“Goblins Ahoy!” was definitely one of the ones that standsout for me. It feels like a full-on mini-play, complete with goblin voices, pirate banter, and over thrashy riffs and frenetic drumming. It’s glorious, unhinged, and kind of genius. And then we arrive at the monstrous “Mega-Supreme Treasure of the Eternal Thunderfist”, a 17-minute epic that is like a pirate fever dream. It’s got everything: ancient prophecies, eldritch caves in Bournemouth, emotional crescendos, and even a twist ending, that you’ll have to listen to for the meaningful message. It’s absurd, heartfelt, and epic in the most Alestorm way possible.
The Thunderfist Chronicles is peak Alestorm. It’s crass, it’s chaotic, it’s wildly inventive and weirdly wholesome beneath all the piss jokes and sea monster references. If you want an album that knows exactly what it is and goes full sail into the storm of its own madness? This is the treasure you’ve been looking for.
The sails are set high for ‘The Thunderfist Chronicles’ as it thunders in with an 8.5 out of 10
Reviewer – Alan Robinson @alan_robinson_photography